If I could give you one gift it would be to see yourself through my eyes and then you would see how special you really are.

Monday, 30 September 2013

Peace in the midst of chaos

So many things are happening so fast, child 4 will sit for his bedtime story, he now calls for us when he wakes up and allows me to cuddle him when he has had a scare or a fall. And yet we have so far to go. He still looks for approval from many people especially women that we meet and today for the first time I felt those little tendrils of jealousy tug at my heart. He is mine and I want him to look to me for approval, to come to me when he is sad or hurt not feel the need to latch on to any adult for their attention.

I would not say that I am a particularly patient person but I have found that I am following a much slower pace of life, it maybe noisier and more chaotic but I tend to not make any plans other than the routine school runs, meal times and nap/bedtimes. I allow child 4 to set the pace, to explore where he wants to explore, he doesn't tend to play and his attention span is about 30 seconds except at story time before bed, he is on the go non stop and demands my attention constantly, yet I don't seem to become frustrated or irritated, perhaps all the training and reading did prepare me for a completely different way of parenting or maybe it's age or the fact that we already have three children. I don't know, what I do know is that it's hard and sometimes it's really hard but it's fantastic, I cannot explain  how it feels when he says mummy and means me (I think), when we sing him the child 4 lullaby before bed and he looks into my eyes with such concentration as if trying to see my soul or how he calls in the morning for one of us to get him. There is still so much to show him but we have plenty of time.

I recently read an article about a photography competition illustrating peace, the obvious possible winner was a calm, still lake lit up by the sun but the picture that took first prize was one of a magnificent waterfall, overlooked by a stormy sky , not very peaceful really until you spot why the picture had been taken, under an outcrop of rock protected from the spray was a bird sitting on her nest. Perfect peace.

Do you know why this picture won?
“Because, peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace.”
And so I will hold close those times we find amongst the chaos and noise where for a moment child 4 and I sit, tracing each others facial features gently with our fngers or when we sing this little piggy or pat -a-cake or the occasional sharing of a story. Those are the times we can find peace, love and calm in our hearts, a time for real connections.

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