If I could give you one gift it would be to see yourself through my eyes and then you would see how special you really are.

Thursday, 12 September 2013

A little bit of bedtime reading

Getting close now,  11 days to go, so I thought I'd revisit some of the reading I did whilst we attended our adoption courses, it's a little bit like revising but this time it involves people, well children and vulnerable ones at that. The reading was absolutely fascinating, there are so many studies and examples of how parenting, when it fails can have such a huge and detrimental effect on children, then those children grow up and if they don't  receive any appropriate support so the cycle begins again for their children and so on.

Most of the books talk about worst case scenarios, I tend to be an expect the worst, hope for the best type person and we certainly have been taught all about the worst, even the book titles make you concerned "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier, "Attachment, Trauma and Resilience" by Kate Cairns and " The Bonds of Attachment Awakening Love in a Deeply Troubled Child" by Daniel Hughes. Although I guess that calling a book "It will be alright in the end" is possibly a bit foolish - I must admit I am entering this whole journey believing that everything will be alright in the end.

Some parts of these books really frightened me, not just about some of the behaviours these children may exhibit but also the type of parenting that was suggested, a lot of it was so totally alien to how I parent my existing children that I frequently doubted my abilities to have the strength and patience to raise a child that had been removed from his birth family by social services.

Our social worker however, has supported us every step of the way and I sometimes feel confident enough, that I will be able to remain calm and loving no matter what happens. Of course on the days I have a wobble I am lucky enough to have a large support network and not much pride so will be more than willing to ask for help, in fact I am planning on having the post adoption team on speed dial!

Our little man, hopefully will settle with us quickly, learning to live with his past, enjoying the present and looking forward to his future. As to parenting him, I am sure that our parenting instincts will follow through, with us all finding the best way together. After all a journey is always quicker, more fun and more memorable when it is shared with those you love and a helping hand on those rough and dangerous roads is always gratefully accepted.

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