If I could give you one gift it would be to see yourself through my eyes and then you would see how special you really are.

Thursday, 5 September 2013

The adoption triangle

Today we met child 4's birth parents. I was expecting this to be a traumatic experience and as you would have read from yesterday's blog update I really wanted to make a good impression on this young couple. I was desperate for them to see me as an ordinary mum who would love their little boy as if I had given birth to him myself.

But, when they walked into the meeting room it dawned on me that this meeting was all about them and their son, soon to be our son and not about us. Yes, it was important that we made a good impression, but today was about us gathering as much information as possible about this young couple, so that we could share it with child 4. It is so important for child 4 to know about who his birth parents are, what their lives so far had been like and how much they loved him. For them it was a chance to see what we were like and to be reassured that we love this little boy and that we will provide him with everything that he may need.

Their biggest fears were that; we wouldn't tell child 4 about them and that if we did that we would paint them as monsters. They were worried that we would change his name, removing any claim of his origins from them. We explained that we wouldn't change his name because that was what they had given him, it belongs to him, it wouldn't be right for us to change it. We had a huge list of questions about their childhoods, their meeting, their pregnancy and their likes and dislikes so we could share all that information with child 4. We know that they are not monsters and we would never portray them in that light. Without any doubt they loved him, they just aren't capable of looking after him.

Birth mum was visibly distressed and there were tears from most of us. According to our social worker these meeting usually only last about 20 minutes ours was over an hour, so I like to think a rapport was built and I really hope that they both know that we love this little man and we will give him all the love and support we can.

It's child 4's birthday soon and his birth mum explained to us that she is going to release a balloon every year on his birthday, my husband said that we would do the same, a new tradition forever linking child 4's past and his future.

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