Fanbloodytastic, woke up at 4.10am, dreaming about hoovering and scrubbing the toilet!! Child 4 would be arriving around 10am along with his foster family, whose home is immaculate. Mine has that kind of lived in feel, you know the one with dust fairies, that occasionally resemble tumbleweed. I did eventually drop back off to sleep to be awoken by child 3 telling me that it was 6.30am so time to get up. When I spoke to my dad and told him that I had got up early to tidy up he laughed at me saying it was too late for me to be tidy.
Today all of our children were going to meet each other and those that currently reside in our home were certainly struggling a bit first thing. No doubt they were feeling how I was on Wednesday morning but its harder to articulate when you aren't all grown up yet.
Of course there was absolutely nothing to worry about, child 4 arrived like a miniature whirlwind, full of excitement and energy and child 1,2 & 3 took it all in their stride. If anything all they did was fight over their baby brother, they all want to play with him, read to him, share nursery rhymes with him. They want to hold his hand, cuddle him, carry him and have him sit on their laps. Hmm 2 year olds tend to do what they want! I have to say though that they loved each other on sight, child 1 keeps saying "oh he's so adorable" child 2 rapped "he may com from anover muvver, but he's still my bruvver" and child 3 cried when we dropped him back to the foster parents house this evening.
As it was child 4's birthday today we celebrated with a couple of presents and a hedgehog cake, we wanted to keep it fairly low key this year. But as promised to child 4's birth mum we all, with the dog in tow climbed the hill behind our house so we could let off the blue balloon, matching her one far away. Maybe they will meet?
I know some will have little sympathy with birth mothers who lose their children to social services, especially in the light of some of the terrible stories shared in the press regarding the neglect and abuse of children recently. But I don't believe that in our case we can ignore our promise regarding the annual ballon release. I have no influence over child 4's past nor can I predict his future, all I can do is create a present as secure, loving and amazing as possible and our annual balloon release will remind me of that, whilst linking child 4's past and present together, hopefully enabling him to forge a future of his own making.
Jody Landers said "another woman's child calls me mum, the depth of the tragedy and the magnitude of the privilege are not lost on me"