If I could give you one gift it would be to see yourself through my eyes and then you would see how special you really are.

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

What does adoption mean to me

" To take into one's family through legal means and raise as one's own child"

We have spent a year learning as much as we can about adoption, we have attended courses, had frequent social worker visits and read huge numbers of books and studies about how adoption works, why it is necessary and all the types of behaviours we may come across with our adopted child. We are continuing this journey with our eyes wide open. When we were at panel and told that the panel members had unanimously said that we were suitable for adopting, it was like passing  A levels all over again, just this time it won't be just a certificate that we will receive, but also a little person.  As part of the adoption journey we have learned about behaviours that could manifest within adopted children and have taken part in a course on therapeutic parenting to help deal with them in the most positive way. In fact there are on going courses and support networks for all those involved in adoption, my mum is going to attend a therapeutic parenting course with me, so that we can offer our little man the best and most consistent start possible.

Everyone, we have met within the adoption process have said that our knowledge of adoption is fantastic, our social worker truly believes that we will be "good at adoption" our understanding of adoption will make us strong advocates for any child placed with us.

There is just one person within our extended family support unit who is anti us adopting. I know that one negative voice out of the many positive ones should be easy to ignore but this voice has the ability to hurt so much. Perhaps it's because our little boy who is yet to arrive is actually already our child in our hearts. At the moment we are preparing his bedroom and when up in the attic earlier this week, I found a box full of the nursery curtains, cot bumpers and blankets that have been used by all the children in the family. I have spent this week washing them all. Anyone who has had more than one baby will know the feeling of love and excitement you get when hanging expectant baby stuff on the washing line. 

For me these last weeks truly feel like the last trimester of pregnancy, the excitement, the nesting, the worries of coping. The anticipation of  a new baby surrounds the whole family and our community. I am surrounded by people who want to be involved, they want to throw baby showers and I think are definitely as excited as we are about the prospect of a new member of the family. Some have said that they couldn't adopt, it's just not in their make up but, they think that it's amazing that we want to and they support us whole heartedly.

This individual seems incapable of understanding that child 4 means exactly the same to us as child I,   2 and 3. Would this person be saying these hurtful comments about our son if I was carrying him in pregnancy? No, of course not. But those comments are effecting us as if they were. I wish there was some way to explain how we feel but this individual is not listening to us, they have for now,made up their mind. 

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