One of my biggest fears in the adoption process has been the meeting of the foster mother. There are just so many conflicting emotions, fear, apprehension, guilt, concern, empathy and sorrow. We have to visit our number 4 for the first time under her watchful eye, then through the placement process we will be visiting him at her home, taking him out, bringing him here for the afternoon, then the day but always returning him to her.
I know that I am capable of looking after a child, I have three of them, all of whom seem pretty well rounded to me. Children in care are a different kettle of fish, potentially they will have some different needs than our birth children and the foster carers having providing those, in our case for nearly two years. What if she sits there thinking "well I wouldn't do it like that"
Then, there is the huge elephant in the room, I am going to be taking this little boy away from the only family he has known, the foster family will have built a strong loving relationship with him and I am going to take him away from that. I know, I know as foster carers that is what they are trained for, if they wanted to keep him they would have adopted him. But that doesn't help me with how I feel.
Our social worker, understands me so well, when she emailed me the foster mums contact details she told me not to worry about the foster family, they are being supported through the whole process, yes it would in some ways be very sad but the team deal with these situations on a regular basis.
Last night I spoke to child 4 foster mum for the first time, and she sounded lovely, normal just like a mum from the playground. We shared our family lifestyle with each other and we sound similar in outlook. She was pleased that a family had been found for this little man, one with a brother and sisters and a menagerie of animals. She is happy to answer all my questions, to stay in touch to support child 4 and us through this transition. It would be lovely if they could remain as a kind of auntie, uncle type relationship.
My fears are slowly diminishing as I am beginning to realise that in the best of circumstances the foster mum and I could become friends and perhaps I should have more faith in my ability to love and raise an adopted child.