Nothing, I mean nothing can prepare you for reading your first prospective adoptee file. Even with all the training and reading we have done didn't prepare me for that first read yesterday and nothing prepared for me waking this morning knowing that the child we read about yesterday who sounded so perfect for us couldn't be the one. Not because of him/her but because of the family circumstances surrounding him/her. The biological parents didn't want their child taken away and adopted yet they couldn't see that their behaviour is why their child had to be removed from them and put up for adoption. They would almost definitely look for their child and as they lived a little to close, well within the radius of emergency hospitals, bowling alleys, museums etc. we would spend our lives looking over our shoulders.
And so our first hardest decision is probably a no!