Whilst out with child 3, 4 and Dylan the dog this morning one of our neighbours stopped us to congratulate us on our new addition! she went on to say how she has friends who are just starting an IVF programme. She thought that they were wasting their time and should just adopt as there were so many children out there in desperate need of a loving home and family. Is she right???????
After I gave birth to my first son, a wonderful calm home delivery, I became very poorly and ended up being rushed into hospital where I needed 4 pints of blood and intravenous antibiotics to fight peritonitis. This meant that when we decided to try for a third baby it was very difficult. I don't think I will ever really forget the monthly disappointment when I found that I wasn't pregnant or the memories of praying each month just before my period was due that it wouldn't come and that I would be carrying a baby. After a year of trying I went to the doctor, where I was tested and checked over but eventually referred onto a fertility clinic. I found myself to be pregnant just 5 days before the appointment, even that wasn't straight forward as the doctor was initially concerned that the pregnancy could be ectopic so my initial joy was marred with fear and uncertainty. As my beautiful little girlie was born 8 months later everything obviously all worked out in the end. What this taught me though was that until you have actually walked in someone else's shoes don't be too quick to judge. My experience cannot be anything like those of people unable to have children without medical intervention as I already had two children, but my sorrow and desperation does strike a chord when I hear IVF being discussed, until I heard a radio interview yesterday I was completely unaware that only one third of those who undertake IVF actually have a baby. For those that are not that lucky they have to have the opportunity to grieve for those children they are unable to have and probably the milestones and lives they would have seen and lived, before any contemplation of adoption can happen.
At the weekend we watched The Odd life of Timothy Green a magical, enchanting story about a couple unable to have children who do end up considering adoption because of a little boy called Timothy. We watched and cried as a family because so much of the story was like ours or as an Incurable romantic who lives their life looking through rose tinted glasses would like to believe. I truly believe that we all have the power to love a child, perhaps not as a parent, maybe a godparent, a mentor or just someone who is there to support the parents but we all need to find our own way. Our neighbour needs to support her friends on their journey, it may be they end up with exactly what they need.