If I could give you one gift it would be to see yourself through my eyes and then you would see how special you really are.

Thursday, 6 March 2014


We had a wonderful morning playing at the local playbarn, visiting the cows and making brownies. Then after lunch child 4 actually requested an afternoon nap, woohoo. I managed to make our lamb and chickpea patties for dinner and sort the washing before the looked after children's health visitor arrived to complete the 30 month health check on child 4. I was able to spend a good 30 minutes chatting to the lovely health visitor about one of my pride and joys and she was able to put my mind at rest about his antics. It wasn't long before he called for me, to let me know that he was awake and so I brought him out to meet our visitor and help him be weighed and measured. He was fine, a little shy perhaps, which is unusual for him I must say, but he is a curious little soul so seemed more than happy to stand on the scales watching the numbers increase and stand against a ruler for his height to be recorded. Not long after that the health visitor went away, more than happy with his progress.

We headed off to my mum and dads for a cup of tea before going to school to pick child 3 up from her sewing club. From the minute I loaded child 4 into the car he kept repeating "mummy coming?"  Or "go get child 3" even at my parents he wasn't his normal bouncy self, he crawled on my lap, drank his tea and continually asked "mummy coming?"  Or "go get child 3. " when my dad asked if he wanted the toys out ( just some cars and a teaset) he went into melt down, sobbing and asking to go home. Even when I nipped to the loo he hung on wanting to be with me.

For the rest of the afternoon and evening he was clingy, shouty and his behaviour was much to be desired. It took a while to settle him to bed, he wanted cuddles, singing, stories  just contact particularly from me. I rocked him, cuddled him, sang to him. Murmuring promises of always being there, always loving him and so on and so on. Eventually after more milk and more contact he rolled over and fell asleep.

I wish I knew what was going on in his head, did he think as he watched the strange lady fill in her paperwork and his red book that something was afoot, was he being moved again. He probably doesn't actually remember the moves from birth parents to foster carers to respite carers he certainly showed no recognition of anyone in the photos in his life story book that we received a couple of weeks ago, yet something bothered him and has really distressed him. We will of course ride this one out, it may mean a couple of disturbed nights, it may mean that his settling into nursery may be disrupted but we are his family and we will love him throughout each minor upset or major crisis.  Perhaps I should ban unknown visitors like the health visitor from coming to the house, maybe I should take child 4 to them, that way we arrive together and leave together. I don't know but I don't want him worrying and he is too young to understand what forever means yet, I really hope that it is something he will  learn by experience.

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