Guess what came in the post today?
Details of our adoption court hearing, 3 weeks and if all goes to plan child 4 will legally be ours. Of course I excitedly rang my husband and then my parents but as I started to text out to the rest of the family and friends, I remembered child 4's birth parents who will have also received a copy of the same adoption court hearing information in the post today. Whilst my family and I are cautiously celebrating, looking forward to future of spending time together, playing, laughing, teaching, reading and loving, I can't help but think about what the birth family are feeling, fear, loss, devastation, failure and heartbreak. They are being supported by a charity group who will offer advice and emotional support for as long as they need it.
We are advised not to attend this court hearing as child 4's birth parents could be there. They have the right to contest the adoption order if they want too. This is highly unlikely, although they have stated that they don't want their son to be adopted, social services have a placement order which overrides their desires. It has been agreed by social services and the courts that the birth parents are unable to care for this little boy and that it would be in his best interests to be adopted into a family who can provide him with what he needs. Even if the birth parents did contest they would have to demonstrate to the court that the concerns that led to their child's removal have abated and they would have to prove how they could now provide a secure and loving home for their son. There are no guarantees and we won't know the outcome until after the order has been passed through the court. We just have to trust in the system and have faith that everything will be okay.
Once the order has been agreed, we will be invited to a celebration court date where we as a whole family will attend the court to hear the order, meet the judge, with a bit of luck the children will have an opportunity to wear the wig and bang the gavel. We will then all head out for lunch and champagne to celebrate.
My message to child 4's birth parents is "We feel honoured to be entrusted with our new son and we promise to love him, unconditionally forever. We will share his past with him and not exaggerate or trivialise it. We will tell him of your love but inability to care for him in the way he needed, we will share the letters you send and we will write to you sharing the stories of his childhood and adolescence and we will support his choices for the future"