If I could give you one gift it would be to see yourself through my eyes and then you would see how special you really are.

Saturday, 15 February 2014

A miracle of motherhood

Nothing could have prepared me for child 4's absolute acceptance of me as his mummy. I had in a way hardened my heart, built a wall around my feelings, knowing that he has a mummy and I am the "stand in" because she is unable to take care of him. Yet over the last few weeks little things have started to happen and the wall is crumbling..........

As I am to return to work next month we have started to settle him to our local nursery, the first couple of sessions he ran in happy as Larry just wanting to play, on day 3 though I had a call at 10.30am could I come and get him as he was asking for me and becoming distressed. Every time he saw someone on the CCTV that covered the gate he would ask "is that my mummy?"
(He is settling in though. We are just taking it a day at a time, a session at a time and gradually lengthening the stay, very much led by what he can manage.)

At home he wants to be with me, doing whatever I am doing, which of course can be a hindrance, but more often than not is a pleasure. Then, the other day when I put him down for his afternoon nap he called me back wanting a kiss before he slept. He comes to find me when he has hurt himself and whenever we sit to watch TV he climbs into my lap to snuggle. He holds up his arms demanding a hug or a cuggle.

Now when we are out, he introduces me to other people as his mummy, he used just charm and chat to anyone, completely ignoring me, now I am his opening chat up line.
If he loses sight of me he will ask "where is my mummy?" Invariably I am watching him and can scoop him up before he feels lost.

But the icing on the cake was a couple of nights ago when reading his favourite book of the moment "I Like it When" he pointed to the adult penguin and said "mummy" and pointed to the baby penguin and said his name.
I felt honoured, privileged that in the eyes of this little boy I am his "mummy" not a stand in, I am the real thing. There may well be another mummy out there thinking of him and do you know what I can live with that, after all if I can love 4 children why can't child 4 love 2 mummy's?

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