If I could give you one gift it would be to see yourself through my eyes and then you would see how special you really are.

Friday, 7 February 2014

What is a kiss?

There is a famous story of a baby whom upon hearing all the grand plans his mother has for him, flies out of the window away to Kensington Gardens, where he hides and amuses the fairies. Eventually, he misses his mother but when he returns home he finds his bedroom window shut and a new baby boy in his crib and so with a broken heart he returns to the gardens and collects up all the other lost boys. We can only assume that Tinkerbell was one of the fairies that he amused as she showed him the way to Neverland. Thus starting one of the most famous stories about abandoned children.  Peter isn't enticed back into a family home until the novel Peter Pan and Wendy when he watches the Darling family, Wendy in particular through a bedroom window. He manages to lose his shadow and from there every child and every child that grew up knows the adventure that is Peter Pan.

When Peter Pan asked Wendy what a kiss was she gave him a thimble and he gave an acorn in return.    Peter having been in Neverland since he was tiny had forgotten what a kiss was and Wendy, who had offered him the kiss didn't want to hurt his feelings or pride when she realised that he didn't know what a kiss was, hence the thimble.

Whilst children are in foster care they are not allowed to share their foster carers bed, bath etc. intimate parent, child interaction is not really encouraged, possibly to help avoid a traumatic separation later, for older children it could be because of abuse and of course rules are always in place  to protect all parties within the foster home. However once children are adopted close human interaction, hugs, cuddles and gentle touch is advised and encouraged. These children understandably don't understand what this interaction is for or why we do it.

When child 4 arrived he never looked for physical interaction, even when he fell over he didn't cry or look for someone to make his hurts better. We spend so much time encouraging him to take comfort in someone's arms, when we watch TV we sit him on our laps, we carry and cuddle him, we bring him into our bed for his morning bottle, we bath him with child 3, we share touchy feely nursery rhymes, we tickle and play fight on the floor. And it is now paying off. He holds his arms up, a lot asking for a hug, when asked he kisses sorry and goodnight. But today was amazing, after I put him down for his afternoon nap, he called me back to his cot because HE wanted a kiss, a real kiss not a thimble or an acorn, a kiss. X

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