The first day of the rest of our lives

This morning I was up at 5.50am colouring my hair, well I couldn't sleep and who wants grey hairs when you are about to be a mummy again!

I have felt sick since about Tuesday last week but now I'm floating, content, excited, tearful and A little bit amazed. Child 4 is gorgeous, happy, naughty, cheeky and he has a really really filthy laugh.

First we had to attend a practical planning meeting, interesting I think. Definitely a bit weird as I think it is primarily a form filling/ticking exercise. It was quite terrifying walking into a conference room with child 4's foster parents, social worker and foster support workers, what if we weren't good enough?

After the meeting hubbie and I went out to the Cosy Club for a delish panini, I had pulled pork, Monterey Jack cheese and the best jalapeño chillies, hubbie had tomato, mozzarella and pesto, a couple of cokes to wash it down and the chance to dissect the meeting and to not talk about actually meeting child 4.

To soon and it was time. We followed child 4's social worker to the foster carers and bravely entered her home. Child 4 was having his lunch, sitting in his high chair with his ham sandwiches and cubes of cheese. This little blonde haired boy with enormous hazel eyes and a shy smile that soon turned into a gurgling laugh. A perfect way for us to introduce ourselves, it wasn't long and he was letting us know that he wanted out. We then spent the remainder of the afternoon playing on the trampoline, playing with the sand, reading 10 in the bed, playing pull the chain and flying around the room. 4pm came around much to quick but it did so off home we had to go, exhausted, relieved, relaxed and happy, no longer feeling sick!

Tomorrow we go back, a trip to the swings, a ride in his new buggy, catch and football in the park. Can't wait!!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new journey, not only for us but also for child 4.  Child 4 is probably quite oblivious at the moment, where as for us we are very aware, very excited if not feeling a bit sick. Child 1 said yesterday that she was worried because adoption is forever, child 2 and 3 are really excited virtually counting the hours down, although child 3 woke at 3am this morning.

For me I've suffered no morning sickness, fantastic as I suffer from Hyperemesis gravidarum a violent form of morning sickness (I spent 5 days in hospital carrying child 3) I've not become massively fat, unable to see my feet. I've had no food cravings so I've not been drinking cream from the carton. I've not got to struggle with breast feeding or sleepless nights and there is no labour to go through this time. 

Instead we have completed courses, read lots of books shared our lives with social services. I've tried for the last few days to catch up on my TV watching, cleaning the house, finish making my blinds and clear the huge ironing pile. I am sure that my time is about to be spent making and playing with play dough, walking the dog to explore the local woods and fields, to jump in piles of autumn leaves and puddles. To learn and teach nursery rhymes and hands on games like pat-a-cake, to watch Thomas the Tank Engine and In the Night Garden. To read bedtime stories and tuck a little one into bed. There will be 6 of us at the breakfast and dinner table, 6 heading off on our famous five adventures, 6 of us decorating the Christmas tree. A whole new life full of all the laughter and tears that make a life worth living!

Wish us luck........

Feeling a little under the weather

When our social worker warned us that this week was going to be tough and that often adopters become ill, I didn't really believe her. However, it would seem that everyone in the household is struggling a bit, sleep patterns have been effected, I am waking at 5am unable to get back to sleep, I get up for a very early cup of tea, hubbie is restless and up and down through the night and child 3 wakes in the night usually around 3am. Child 2 has a cough and cold which of course he has shared with us all.

I guess the emotional stress has begun to take its toll, it's been a tough couple of weeks what with matching panel, meeting the birth parents, leaving work and ensuring the house and family are ready for a two year old. Then there are the worries, what if he doesn't like us, or worse we don't like him when we actually meet him. How do we manage everyone's expectations, child 4 has had an unsettled few weeks so we don't know how that will impact on him moving in with us. How will all the introductions with family and friends go? For our children, they to must be worried about how the family will be affected by adding another. What will happen to the relationships within the family, will mum still have time to help with homework and to chat about a day at school, will Dad still be able to go on that bike ride.

I remember when I was waiting for child 1  to be born, I was worried that I wouldn't love her or be able to cope, I was terrified that I would become angry with the crying and that the sleepless nights would make me into a monster. To be fair I wasn't that keen on her after she was born, probably because labour was 20 hours, and she had to be delivered by ventouse leaving me with what felt like a million stitches, but I didn't get angry or turn into a monster, yes I was tired and no doubt grumpy but I grew to love her and now that love knows no limits. I guess adoption is similar. We just need time to bond, patience and time to build a relationship. Love is already there in exactly the same way it was with child 1, 2 & 3 it's just difficult to see it and feel it when so much else is going on.

I guess that it's no surprise that the whole family is feeling a little under the weather.

The first bend in our adoption journey

Finished work today, just for 6 months whilst child 4 settles in. I hadn't really thought about how I would feel. I've been a bit caught up with everything at home so hadn't really thought about work. My job share called this morning to update me with the week so far, I'll miss our twice weekly conversations, the youngsters I work with keep me young with their partying and single life styles with no responsibilities reminding me of what it was like to be 25 again. I'll miss the opportunity of just sharing life as its is with the other mums. We work hard, so can't chat as such but relationships have still been built and cups of tea are made and often go cold yet I feel that I know them all so well.

It seems so weird to be excited and sad at the same time, I was excited to share the recent photo of child 4, yet worried that when I actually meet him next week he may not like me. I am excited to be having time off, no more stress about juggling work, home, children, school and after school activities  but worried about all the changes that I know are going to happen at work whilst I am away. Working 2 days a week means that it is so hard to learn everything when you return to work.

Of course my last day was really busy, so not much time could be spent with those I won't now see for a while. Child 4 needs to bond with me before I can do the rounds of showing him off, not like a new baby where they seem to be perfectly content to be passed from one set of arms to another. Our child 4 has been passed around a little but I doubt that its left him particularly content.

They guys I work with understand that though, in fact they have been great, someone leaving always means staff shortages for a little while, but no one has made me feel guilty, in fact I feel supported and loved because they did want to make sure that I was coming back!

As a family we have reached another bend in the road that we are travelling, the only way is forward and we cannot see what is ahead, roads may occasionally be filled with potholes and occasionally debris but they can take us to new and exciting places. I wonder where we will end up?

A little bit of bedtime reading

Getting close now,  11 days to go, so I thought I'd revisit some of the reading I did whilst we attended our adoption courses, it's a little bit like revising but this time it involves people, well children and vulnerable ones at that. The reading was absolutely fascinating, there are so many studies and examples of how parenting, when it fails can have such a huge and detrimental effect on children, then those children grow up and if they don't  receive any appropriate support so the cycle begins again for their children and so on.

Most of the books talk about worst case scenarios, I tend to be an expect the worst, hope for the best type person and we certainly have been taught all about the worst, even the book titles make you concerned "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier, "Attachment, Trauma and Resilience" by Kate Cairns and " The Bonds of Attachment Awakening Love in a Deeply Troubled Child" by Daniel Hughes. Although I guess that calling a book "It will be alright in the end" is possibly a bit foolish - I must admit I am entering this whole journey believing that everything will be alright in the end.

Some parts of these books really frightened me, not just about some of the behaviours these children may exhibit but also the type of parenting that was suggested, a lot of it was so totally alien to how I parent my existing children that I frequently doubted my abilities to have the strength and patience to raise a child that had been removed from his birth family by social services.

Our social worker however, has supported us every step of the way and I sometimes feel confident enough, that I will be able to remain calm and loving no matter what happens. Of course on the days I have a wobble I am lucky enough to have a large support network and not much pride so will be more than willing to ask for help, in fact I am planning on having the post adoption team on speed dial!

Our little man, hopefully will settle with us quickly, learning to live with his past, enjoying the present and looking forward to his future. As to parenting him, I am sure that our parenting instincts will follow through, with us all finding the best way together. After all a journey is always quicker, more fun and more memorable when it is shared with those you love and a helping hand on those rough and dangerous roads is always gratefully accepted.

The accidental shopper

Ratification happened today, so nothing can stop us now. Oh the relief!

I was out and about sorting the last bits of paperwork etc so I popped into town for my last day to potter around the shops on my OWN!! (well except for next week when my mum, aunt and I are having a girlie shopping day)  at last I could look at boys clothes, toys and books. Of course we already have a house full of toys, in fact when child 3 was born I don't think we bought her any birthday or christmas presents for the first two years, we just wrapped up old toys from the attic, not because we were mean, honest. Just, that we had so much already it seemed a waste buy more. We have book shelves lined with all types of books and as a family we have our favourites All Join In by Quentin Blake, The Gruffalo and Monkey Puzzle by Julia Donaldson, Brown Bear, Brown Bear and The Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle and a big favourite The Snarlyhissopus by Alan Macdonald.        As for clothes, child 4 will obviously arrive with some so really until we know what he has, buying too much could be foolish although a couple of new things couldn't go amiss could they really? 

Well, look what I purchased .........

I guess this shows how my mind works, cookies, cakes and dog walks. 

School council

What a proud mum am I, child 3 has been voted by her peers to be one of the school council representatives for her class. Tomorrow she will receive her badge and attend her first meeting.

Our three oldest children have each been a school council rep and it has been a wonderful experience for each of them. They have learned how to cooperate, compromise and persuade. They can debate, which can make conversation at the dinner table entertaining, they can problem solve and they have learnt the benefits of working in a team. Child 1 and 2 now take an interest in world matters and are confident enough to speak about their views.  School council meetings give children the opportunity to speak, present and learn to listen. Not only have they have learned that they have a voice and the right to be heard but also that with this voice there is also an obligation to behave with dignity and responsibly.

This self confidence was shown by child 2 during a social worker visit. Our social worker had come over to spend some time with the children to talk to them about our adoption. We hade been filling a jar with questions for the social worker to answer. (Really grown up questions like "will the adopted sibling love us, will mum and dad still have time for us and do adopted children fart?" Yes the children did put the fart question in the jar - funny but very embarrassing. I offered to go and tidy up some where else in the house so they could talk without me being there. Child 2 wanted me to stay and then went on to explain why he didn't want us to adopt, he was articulate and forthright and I was really impressed as was the social worker. Of course she listened to him, teasing out what his actual concerns were and then answered all his worries.

Child 2 is excited about our forthcoming addition, pleased to be a big brother already planning how he is going to be a role model for his younger brother and of course to train child 4 to join the his army in the quest of the destruction of the evil sisters!!