If I could give you one gift it would be to see yourself through my eyes and then you would see how special you really are.

Wednesday, 13 November 2013

Disciplining an adopted child

Oh the advice I have received for dealing with an errant two year old who likes to throw things, when I say throw things I mean glasses, knives and forks, eggs, plates, bricks and so on. Not only does he have a mighty throwing arm but the accuracy of his aim is spot on. Now I would eventually love to have a world famous cricket bowler in the family but for now would prefer the throwing of inanimate objects to just be a tennis ball.

The supporters of our endeavours have been suggesting the naughty step or sent to the bedroom types of discipline and I have to say that thus worked marvellously well with my older three, however it has been shown that this type of parenting does not work for the adopted child.

Foremost in my mind is the fact that our child 4 has already in many ways been rejected or abandoned by those who looked after him, he was removed from birth mum at a few weeks old, then placed with foster carers who each time they went away on holiday would have left him with respite foster carers and then a few weeks before being placed with us there was a breakdown with his foster carers and he was placed in respite care for the weeks leading up to moving in to his new and permanent home.  By placing him in time out I am highlighting rejection, this form of rejection with the older children is successful and not emotionally damaging because they are very secure in their loving environment. So how to discipline after all I cannot allow the throwing anything to hand to continue. Well, I am trying to enforce my will in many other ways, for example today he would not hold my hand to cross the road, so he continued his journey strapped into the buggy - much to his very vocal disgust I might add. Every time he climbs on the chairs or moves the chairs in the kitchen I lift him down and/or move the chairs back explaining why I am doing it. I am hoping that when he realises what No means (I know he already knows, he says it enough himself, but his no is obviously different to my no or so he thinks) the throwing will stop. Am I deluding myself? I have no idea and will update you in the future. I work on a six week turnaround so by Christmas fingers crossed the throwing will have stopped and I am sure that something new will start..........

Worth a read
Parenting Your Adopted Child (McGraw-Hill, 2004) by Andrew Adesman

Read more on FamilyEducation: http://life.familyeducation.com/adoption/nontraditional-families/45805.html#ixzz2kYuQXouI

No comments:

Post a Comment