It's time for our first indirect contact with child 4's birth parents. We will be swapping letters twice a year once in April and then in November. This is primarily for child 4's benefit but I also think that his birth mum will be waiting for our contact every six months. I know it's strange but I feel that I have some responsibility for our baby boys birth mother, I guess I can feel her grief and sorrow or at least I imagine I can, although I know those imaginations cannot be anything like what the reality must be.
Research has shown that some children benefit from some form of contact with their birth parents. In our case indirect contact via a letterbox system is what has been chosen by the social services team in charge. This means that we write a letter to the birth parents every 6 months no photographs are to be included to protect child 4. Hopefully, the birth parents will respond. All letters are sent to County Hall to protect us, the letters are checked and then the letter for child 4 is sent to us, but the birth parents will only be able to view their letters in County Hall. Social services keep copies of all the letters so that once child 4 is an adult he will be able to see all the information and history of his childhood.
So what to write, I empathise with birth mums situation so I really want the letter to make her feel that she did the right thing in agreeing with the adoption of her son! I know that she had no real choice, child 4 had been removed from his birth parents care and the courts had agreed that he should be adopted. But for her I think it's important that she knows that he is safe, healthy, happy and loved. So I start the letter with how we took a balloon to the top of a hill on child 4's birthday and let it go. Then I shared his favourite foods and activities, what his favourite book, nursery rhyme and TV programme are. What he can say and what mischief he gets up to. Finishing with how we are awaiting their response so we can share it with child 4 and then keep it in his memory box for when he is old enough to read it himself.
I cannot guarantee that the birth parents will keep up contact but I know that we will. It maybe that child 4 doesn't want to have contact and that is fine we can keep the contact ticking over just in case, when he is old enough he can choose what is best for him and as his family we will support him and walk alongside him on his journey regardless of the path he chooses.
I keep this quote close to my heart, to remind me of how very lucky I am ........