If I could give you one gift it would be to see yourself through my eyes and then you would see how special you really are.

Wednesday, 28 May 2014

Footsteps to calm and serenity

Many mums will be juggling lots of balls constantly and sometimes it just takes a slight change of weight with one of those balls and we end up dropping them all. This happened to me at the beginning of the month and despite picking up the balls, I have not been able to get my rhythm back, so I inevitably keep dropping them. Of course if all I kept dropping were juggling balls or beanbags it wouldn't really matter but it's not its housework, organisation, patience, children's routines, nurse, teacher, taxi driver, confidant, support worker and numerous others so when all those hit the floor and  despite being picked up keep falling down the whole of our family life and beyond is affected.

This weekend I decided that enough was enough, time for me to take back control, but how. I have friends that have learnt about cognitive behaviour therapy and through this, if somewhat American self help course that I have been doing, I understand the need to find a way out of a negative mindset by actually doing something, perhaps doing something different following another path. We did a fun activity a couple of weeks ago with our ecourse  that was to make a calm map, this map would direct us from a difficult time to find a place of calm and stillness.
The map legend  was to list all those things that help to make me feel better - a cup of tea, a walk along the beach, a roaring fire, a good book and laughter with family and friends. Ok then, my sister was down this weekend and the sun shone on Sunday so a family trip to the beach was my choice of soul soothing. Sea air, picnics and people you love are truly good for the soul, I returned home feeling exhausted, windswept, with a full belly and aching legs but I was back in a place where I could count my blessings and not feel the weight of my burdens.
I am so blessed to have  a husband that trusted me enough to make that first step on our adoption journey, 3 amazing children who have followed us along this road of adoption  and one who joined us along the way with a song in their hearts and a skip in their step. A family that have supported me every step of the way and still provide all the love and support I could ever ask for. Friends who laugh with me and provide me with rationality, emotional support and wine when I need it. We live in an idyllic rural environment where our children can flourish and grow surrounded by green fields, woods and fresh air, the community provides nurture and support and life is good, really good. These are the things I must remember and focus on when other stuff threatens to stifle me. The other stuff does need my time and it's needs to be given the focus that it requires but it only needs that, it does not need all my focus, it does not deserve a focus that interferes with my family, my sleep or my enjoyment. This does not mean to say that some issues do filter in, I just need to recognise the signs and pull myself out of my doldrums to follow my map legend to a better and happier me.

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