If I could give you one gift it would be to see yourself through my eyes and then you would see how special you really are.

Wednesday, 29 January 2014


I listened to an amazing lady on radio 4's Womans  Hour yesterday Avril Head who has 3 biological children, 2 adopted children and has fostered many others. I think it would be great to hear more of these stories, especially if it would highlight the positive aspects of adopting, especially for those who already have children.

I was struck though by Jane Garvey's question regarding resentment of birth children towards adopted children. "Do your birth children resent their adopted siblings?"  When we first informed close family about our decision to adopt, one member was very concerned about resentment. It's funny but you don't often hear about resentment when having another baby, rivalry and jealousy are often mentioned, but not so much resentment.
At  no point during any of our preparation for adoption, did I consider resentment as an issue. Jealousy, rivalry, yes but not resentment. I asked child 1 if she felt any resentment towards child 4, we had to look up its exact meaning before she was happy to answer.

to feel angry because you have been forced to accept someone or something that you do not likefeel bitterness or indignation at (a circumstance, action, or person)

The answer was categorically NO. Annoyed, cross, frustrated at times but no more than she does with her other siblings. Sometimes she wishes she was an only child but never any specific resentment to any of her brothers or sister. We both agreed that the word resent was actually quite aggressive, "forced" "bitterness" both quite strong and hard words and not ones we would use when discussing our children.

I think that our children have shown a huge capacity to love, they took child 4 in as a brother from day 1, they protect him when he needs looking after, but they are just as quick to let him know when he annoys them. 

We need to educate all around us about the positive aspects of adding another through adoption, if we can remove the fear of resentment may be more people would consider opening their hearts and homes to a child in need. We just need to trust in our capacity to love.

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