"Love is all you need" doesn't seem to work in the adoption field. Love is pretty much a given, surprisingly in a way. Who would have believed that you could meet a 2 year old and fall in love so very quickly. I didn't but have been proved wrong.
Many adopters though will tell you that Love is not enough to help our children, some of whom have been so very damaged by their early start in life. Many children need support and help outside the family unit and the families need support and help to keep their lives on an even keel. I can only speak of my experience not of other peoples, every story is different. I often hear the comment "all children do that, oh he will be fine, he was so little when you adopted him so he won't remember the best one was I know all about adoption I've watched The Dumping Ground" yes honestly that is true!! Sometimes, I doubt myself, am I imagining things, am I over protective or making excuses. When we started school I know they pooh poohed my concerns, thinking I was an over protective parent, although to give them their due they have seen the light and are putting lots of support in place to help with child 4's agression and anger.
I like many over the last couple of days have read the Daily Mail Article "They open their homes to adopt – then find they’ve taken on youngsters who wreck their family."
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4069254/They-open-homes-adopt-ve-taken-youngsters-wreck-family-continue-BETRAY-loving-parents-asks-CAROL-SARLER.html
A coarse and frightening piece of journalism. One that shows little compassion for anyone involved in adoption be it the children, the adoptive families, the birth families, social services or adoption charities. A piece of work that could sadly put off potential adopters and scare adopters like myself who are not living the lives of these families but worry that our lives could change very quickly and we could find ourselves living in homes full of egg shells where one false move could cause family life to deteriorate into crisis. It tells of the worst case scenarios within adoption, scenarios that are being shared more and more frequently. Not that it seems to change much. No one really wants to talk about adoption breakdowns or families in crisis, I guess because it calls the whole system into question. How many noticed that in the article Katya's birth mother was only a child herself, in care because her mother was in prison, a cycle of neglect that may have been started generations before. The only way to call a halt to the cycle is help and support. Help and support that is either slow in coming or not even in existence. There seems to be an issue with spending money, short sighted because in the long run it will save a fortune. Adoption breakdowns cost the state a fortune, lack of support could mean that some children will remain wards of the state in the prison system or they end up requiring medical intervention due to homelessness, drug abuse or obesity, In away it is good that the article has opened up a debate, but I suspect that it is a debate that only those actually involved will join, most of society will if they even read it, feel briefly saddened or ignore it. I think that It is hard to actually believe that children can behave the way that the article portrays unless you are living it, it is easier to brush it off as "something all children do" than to consider the whys and wherefore as to why a child would behave in such a terrifying way, full of so much anger, fear and sorrow. Especially when you consider the lives of so many children around the world today. It is easy to think we can save a baby or a toddler when we see their sad faces plastered across the media/social media but where is that desire to save them when they have grown into angry, obnoxious and agressive teenagers?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4069254/They-open-homes-adopt-ve-taken-youngsters-wreck-family-continue-BETRAY-loving-parents-asks-CAROL-SARLER.html
A coarse and frightening piece of journalism. One that shows little compassion for anyone involved in adoption be it the children, the adoptive families, the birth families, social services or adoption charities. A piece of work that could sadly put off potential adopters and scare adopters like myself who are not living the lives of these families but worry that our lives could change very quickly and we could find ourselves living in homes full of egg shells where one false move could cause family life to deteriorate into crisis. It tells of the worst case scenarios within adoption, scenarios that are being shared more and more frequently. Not that it seems to change much. No one really wants to talk about adoption breakdowns or families in crisis, I guess because it calls the whole system into question. How many noticed that in the article Katya's birth mother was only a child herself, in care because her mother was in prison, a cycle of neglect that may have been started generations before. The only way to call a halt to the cycle is help and support. Help and support that is either slow in coming or not even in existence. There seems to be an issue with spending money, short sighted because in the long run it will save a fortune. Adoption breakdowns cost the state a fortune, lack of support could mean that some children will remain wards of the state in the prison system or they end up requiring medical intervention due to homelessness, drug abuse or obesity, In away it is good that the article has opened up a debate, but I suspect that it is a debate that only those actually involved will join, most of society will if they even read it, feel briefly saddened or ignore it. I think that It is hard to actually believe that children can behave the way that the article portrays unless you are living it, it is easier to brush it off as "something all children do" than to consider the whys and wherefore as to why a child would behave in such a terrifying way, full of so much anger, fear and sorrow. Especially when you consider the lives of so many children around the world today. It is easy to think we can save a baby or a toddler when we see their sad faces plastered across the media/social media but where is that desire to save them when they have grown into angry, obnoxious and agressive teenagers?
Love has to be bigger than that we have for our families, it has to encompass all those in society that need it. Imagine what could be achieved if their was more compassion if our tax money was collected properly and was spent on helping those who need it rather than on big salaries.
So I guess all I can do today is pray for those who really need help and that love along with pro-active parenting, training, a supportive school and community and a family that stand well and truly in our corner will be enough.
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