I have just read a post from Alex Chase's "Beyond the Picket Fence Dream" entitled Better Together and boy did it hit home.
Two years ago I wrote a similar blog, which now sits in my draft list as it caused so much upset with a couple of individuals. We too were told by One of them that adoption would lead to the destruction of our family and the ruin of our three older children. Now, nearly two years in I can say that yes adoption did cause issues within our family but not quite what they expected.
For our family unit the addition of another child by means of adoption has changed the fabric of who we are, it is definitely not the easiest way to add a child, a sibling, grandchild or nephew but the saying sometimes the right path is not the easiest is very true and for us adoption is the right path. When I watch my children I see my four children together, a unit, yeah, they argue and fight, but they are also so much better for having to see and experience life as they never would have, but for adoption.
Those of us that live in stable families full of love and security will never experience and therefore not really understand the effects of neglect, poverty and abuse. As a family we have seen some of the fallout and with that comes compassion, understanding and love.
Everyone, who has come into contact with our child 4 has learnt a little about adoption and the need for understanding not only for the children that come from care but how we as a society could probably do more to help prevent children being removed in the first place. After all adoption is the last resort for birth families and it would be better for everyone if there was a safe and healthy way for all children to remain within their birth families.
For us yes adoption did lead to a family division but it has also led to family bonding and a bond so strong that I sometimes have to do a double take. The gains for us far, far outweigh any troubles.
And I like Alex can now accept that there is the odd person out there that sees our adoption as a foolish, selfish endeavour that risks our birth children's happiness, knowing that I see our life so differently.
I am only sad that they are missing out on everything that we have gained.