If I could give you one gift it would be to see yourself through my eyes and then you would see how special you really are.

Monday, 29 December 2014

A response to those that don't want to understand

As the year comes to a close I have been thinking about all that has happened, much of it has been amazing but occasionally there have been very difficult times and interestingly they haven't been caused by the children. So before I share my final thoughts to 2014 I wanted to share this.

Since we started our adoption journey we have come across those that just don't want to understand why we chose to adopt our fourth child. Fortunately there are not very many of these people yet I have found that they are very vocal and often angry or derogatory about our decision! As if they think that they have to prevent us from making a terrible mistake and that this gives them the right to vent their opinions as they see fit often without any thought as to how their words and actions affect us. So here is my response.

Dear Reader,

In response to your question "why would you want to do that?"

I don't really know, all I know is that we are not done yet, we have space for one more. Please trust us when we say that we know what we are doing. We have been on training after training courses, we have read all manner of books and research and we have had fortnightly one on one sessions with a professional, some one who is trained to check that we are ready and suitable to adopt a child.

We know that we already have three children and they are well rounded and happy, we know that we are asking a lot of them, to take on a sibling that comes from somewhere alien to their background. We have spoken to them, answered the questions they have asked and made sure that they have been in an environment where they are comfortable to discuss their concerns.

We do not take this journey lightly, we have learnt all about the worst case scenarios and know where to go should we need support, knowing that the support for post adoption is under staffed and lacking in finance. We know that there "will be trouble ahead" but we also know that we can handle it and do you know why? No? Well we do, we can handle it because we love him. We love our child 4 despite/in spite of his anger, his throwing and the disturbed nights, we love the cuddles, the laughter, tickles, story time, walks with the dog. We love the baking, dinner times and bath times. We love a house full of noise and chaos it makes us feel alive, part of a family, part of something really special.

You may not understand it or even worry about what we are doing and that is absolutely fine, all we ask is that you accept that we are capable of making our own decisions and we are very aware that we have to live with the consequences of those decisions. Bad advice is bad advice, negative comments are negative comments and constant questioning of our decision is not supportive and a waste of time and energy. It is your fears, your ignorance that make you so angry and frustrated with our choice. We have made our decision and because of it we may be exhausted and at times frustrated yet we are stronger, happier and more fulfilled than we ever were before. Would we change anything? NO NO NO! Why not? Because we fell in love and the changes we make to our lives are fine. Do you want to know why? Because we love him!!

Maybe we are a little mad, not very intelligent, selfish or foolish or maybe we are brave, good people or special, I don't really know and actually I don't really care all I know is that by opening our hearts, our arms and family to our little boy has given us back ten fold what ever we have put in. If you cannot see that or if you don't want to be part of it then sadly you are the ones missing out.

There may be trouble ahead,

But while there's moonlight and music and love and romance,
Let's face the music and dance.

No comments:

Post a Comment