If I could give you one gift it would be to see yourself through my eyes and then you would see how special you really are.

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Peace and war

Yesterday we had a long morning out, morning and lunch with NO children. One of the other couples we are holidaying with took us out to Alahambra. A beautiful Moorish palace that was taken over by Christianity and was the home to Charles V and his wife Isabella of Portugal. We wandered through the beautiful rooms and gardens, walking barefoot over cool marble, running fingers over the tiles that have been there for over 500 years. We gazed upon the intricate stucco-to arches that separate the rooms and wondered how the water that runs throughout is pumped up to then run back through. As the heat increased we followed the exit signs through the now modernised gardens to the Paradour hotel that was once a convent for lunch. We sat upon the shaded terrace with olives and ice cold water and beer and ate salad, pastille and loin of pork in the company of good friends. Not once did I hear the word mummy, I sat through the whole of my meal not having to pour any drinks but my own, not having to cut a meal up or take someone to the loo. Peace, civility and conversation.

We returned back to the villa, mid afternoon, to be told that the children had been really good company and no trouble at all.

Until this morning. Child 4 had a terrible night, instead of the waking and asking to come into our bed, we had crying and disturbed dreams, when he awoke this morning he was, well just angry. Particularly with me. When his daddy suggested a walk! he clung to me saying he didn't want to go but when his Dad a headed off to climb one of the olive tree laden hills he screamed for him, wailing that his daddy was lost.  He tantrumed angrily about anything and everything, his breakfast, his siblings, the DVD player, he became aggressive almost violent towards me, in fact his dad said he could hear him from the top of the hill he climbed.

His whole body language, facial expressions and mannerisms were full of rage all because we had left him with his siblings and some friends for 8 hours,

Emotional frailty, that has been me today.  Following the morning outburst I have felt on the back foot, this is the first time in public that he has behaved like this, I know exactly why he is angry it's because he doesn't feel safe, he was scared of being left behind. But that doesn't help when he is kicking off and you know that despite the support your friends offer, they quite probably don't get it. And even if they do you are scared they don't and you don't know how to explain or even share how you feel I'm case they offer platitudes such as oh it's normal terrible twos.

"Compared with many families, the future will be different for us. We will potentially always need support from experts in the adoption field, we will never be able to stand back from school, we will always be battling the misconception that children are robust and bounce back and what they can't remember won't affect them. We are always going to have to do that little bit extra." Sally Donovan

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