We collected child 4 from the foster family home this morning and brought him home. Child 2 & 3 came with us, excited about spending another day with their baby brother. Child 3 is struggling with the introduction of a new family member not because she doesn't like child 4 but because she wants him to love her so much, that he only wants to be with her. She becomes green with envy if he should play with child 1 or 2. Her comments have been "I wish I was an only child because then I would be the only sister" or "I don't want a brother anymore, he won't play with me" When I point out that she will have him all to herself every school morning and afternoon for at least an hour before the other two return home she responded "but, you will have had him all to yourself all day, that's so NOT fair!" Whatever I say doesn't matter, she is too young to understand that child 4 will do what he wants completely oblivious to her feelings and she has yet to learn that sharing is sharing with everyone not just her.
We had a quiet day at home, a normal lazy Sunday. Roast chicken and all the trimmings followed by an apple and blackberry pie, nap time, playtime, meeting the grandparents, watching two hot air balloons from the conservatory windows and a visit to see the chickens, bath time, tea time and then back to the foster family home.
He loved the hot air balloons "look" he pointed standing on the windowsill only wanting to get down to fetch another family member he could show them. We are trying to avoid much of the outside world at present so that child 4 understands that we are his mummy, daddy, brother and sisters. I cannot imagine what he thinks, sometimes he looks so very serious and thoughtful. After all 6 weeks ago he was with the family he was placed with at a few weeks old, now he is with respite carers and on Tuesday he is with us. There is nothing I can do or say to this little boy, to make him understand that we are his forever, no matter what may happen, he will never be taken away again.
Child 4 seems to show no real concern about these moves, which of course in light of all the attachment training we have done is a little worrying. I can only hope that his brother and sisters will show him what it is like to be in a forever family, that by interacting with them and watching us interact with him and them he will see and understand how a family should work, by actually living it.
As child 2 & 3 waved him goodbye from the doorstep they cried and child 1 who went with her dad to take her baby brother back to his foster parents wept when they got there. They are finding it hard to send him away each night and understandably don't understand why it has to be this way.
Although I don't want to ever see anyone I love sad, these tears have a definite poignancy about them and make me feel sure that adding another by adoption is the right thing for us to do.
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