Happy Halloween

I love and hate halloween, I love the dressing up and making halloween party food but I detest trick and treating. Up until last year I had banned trick or treat, primarily because the majority of our neighbours were elderly and I didn't want the children disturbing them on a dark winters night. The children asked many a time why I couldn't just ask the neighbours if they could knock but to me that was like saying, the children will be calling in for sweets tonight. Last year child 1 was old enough to trick and treat with her friends at our local family friendly housing estate which meant it was difficult for me to ban the other two, so I have now joined the hoards of children out and about on the 31st October.

This week has been busy, as it's been the holiday my brother and sister have come down to meet our new addition. My sister was down with her youngest son last weekend and my brother arrived on Tuesday with his two children, so today the children all came over to carve pumpkins, decorate Dalek biscuits, have their faces painted and go trick and treating.

Despite all the noise, child 4 throwing all the pumpkin innards over the floor and a house full of over excited children, we have had a ball and I am sure created some fantastic memories x

Five go on an adventure with their cousins

A 5.30am start this morning, which is a bit better than the 4.50am yesterday, I have to say that the clocks going back has been of absolutely no benefit to our household because child 4 is still working on last weeks time!!!!! Still the dark morning gradually lit up, our bedroom sits in the north east of our home so the early morning sun always finds the gaps in our curtains and this morning I smiled because my brother and his children were visiting, so a trip to our favourite beach called. Whilst the kettle boiled I nipped out to wake my hens and enjoy those early morning rays that just take the edge off an autumn morning. By the time our early morning caffeine had been consumed the sun was wide awake and ribbons of icy blue sky sparkled. Breakfast and a picnic to make, not even the dog stealing 5 slices of defrosting bread could dampen my spirits too much, although having to make different fillings for my children's sandwiches is a pain, guess I'll have to take my sisters advice and get the older ones to make their own!!!
Before I knew it, it was time to load the car with a picnic lunch, 4 children, 1 dog, 5 pairs of wellies,5 coats, 5 sweaters and bags full of dry clothes. And we were off. Leaving civilisation behind we journeyed into the country, surrounded by fields and woods, child 4 on the look out for his beloved cows. The sun shone through the clouds making dappled patterns on the fields and through the trees, autumn is definitely here, the trees that lined the way are now dressed in hues of red and gold. This could be our last visit to the beach this year, so we intended to enjoy every moment.

What I love about this rugged coastline is that every time we visit it is different, the storms that hit earlier this week have impacted the cliff faces and our huge rock has moved further up the beach.

 We squelched and squerched through the mud just as Michael Rosen did on his bear hunt from the car park to the beach itself and wow the tide was out and the rocks looked so flat and smooth encouraging us all the way over to where the waves washed foam over the rocks and for the first time the children and the dog could jump the waves and run away from their foamy fingers up a pebbly beach area

child 1 and 4 crossed a narrow waterway to climb on an island while the others hunted for crabs and jumped on the wraiths of seaweed that decorated the rocks to make it pop and parp.

The pools were overflowing so child 3 and her cousin spent ages daming up miniature waterfalls and rivers, oh and the fossils there were hundreds of them, just sitting there in the rocks. With so much to explore and having a two year old our ramble over the rocks and through the pools took a lot longer than usual, especially after a couple of tumbles into the pools but we did make it to the cliff path where the last few surviving blackberries were picked and eaten to stave off the hunger pangs until we made it back to the picnics.

Child 4 had a marvellous time and a picture I will carry and always be disappointed that I couldn't capture in time is of child 4 not wanting to leave my brother behind when it was time to go. My brother was on the phone to work as mum and I loaded the cars and as I turned to check where child 4 was he and my brother were strolling towards us hand in hand, my brother still on the phone and completely oblivious to the picture of uncle and nephew. Perfect.

The Odd Life of Timothy Green

Whilst out with child 3, 4 and Dylan the dog this morning one of our neighbours stopped us to congratulate us on our new addition! she went on to say how she has friends who are just starting an IVF programme. She thought that they were wasting their time and should just adopt as there were so many children out there in desperate need of a loving home and family. Is she right???????

After I gave birth to my first son, a wonderful calm home delivery, I became very poorly and ended up being rushed into hospital where I needed 4 pints of blood and intravenous antibiotics to fight peritonitis. This meant that when we decided to try for a third baby it was very difficult. I don't think I will ever really forget the monthly disappointment when I found that I wasn't pregnant or the memories of praying each month just before my period was due that it wouldn't come and that I would be carrying a baby. After a year of trying I went to the doctor, where I was tested and checked over but eventually referred onto a fertility clinic. I found myself to be pregnant just 5 days before the appointment, even that wasn't straight forward as the doctor was initially concerned that the pregnancy could be ectopic so my initial joy was marred with fear and uncertainty. As my beautiful little girlie was born 8 months later everything obviously all worked out in the end. What this taught me though was that until you have actually walked in someone else's shoes don't be too quick to judge. My experience cannot be anything like those of people unable to have children without medical intervention as I already had two children, but my sorrow and desperation does strike a chord when I hear IVF being discussed, until I heard a radio interview yesterday I was completely unaware that only one third of those who undertake IVF actually have a baby. For those that are not that lucky they have to have the opportunity to grieve for those children they are unable to have and probably the milestones and lives they would have seen and lived, before any contemplation of adoption can happen.

At the weekend we watched The Odd life of Timothy Green a magical, enchanting story about a couple unable to have children who do end up considering adoption because of a little boy called Timothy. We watched and cried as a family because so much of the story was like ours or as an Incurable romantic who lives their life looking through rose tinted glasses would like to believe. I truly believe that we all have the power to love a child, perhaps not as a parent, maybe a godparent, a mentor or just someone who is there to support the parents but we all need to find our own way. Our neighbour needs to support her friends on their journey, it may be they end up with exactly what they need.

The kids are ok

Our social worker called in to visit today, her aim to speak to all of the children to see how family life was going. Of course she turned up early, whilst I was out shopping with child 1 and 4. Child 2 and 3 were home alone, playing on the Wii with no little aggravating little brother around to steal away the controllers, turn off the screen or just get in the way, still in their pyjamas!! Oops, well at least she sees us as we are!

The three older ones agreed that child 4 could be a pain, but they all loved him and there was no way that they would ever want to send him back. Child 2 who initially struggled with our decision to adopt is loving his big brother status and explained how despite the change to routines he is really glad that child 4 is now ours. Child 3 admitted to struggling with a new toddler in the house especially when he demands so much of her mums time (she just isn't able to see that that is what causes her temper tantrums)  I feel so very lucky to have such a wonderful support in our social worker, she seems to always know the right things to say and to know the right questions to ask. She spoke to the children in such away that she she gleaned huge amounts of information about how they were really feeling and helped child 3 in particular to explain her feelings, this then led to me being able to consider how I can change how I behave so that we can diffuse or avoid some of the tantrums.

A little later when we were tidying child 3's room we found a little pile of papers from the end of last year. These included a family tree, a timescale of how the adoption process works and a list of questions that should have been placed in the social workers question jar.

 Despite all her confusion about her feelings and the changes adoption has bought to her life, she without any doubt loves her new baby brother she just quite understandably is battling with that naughty little green monster that rears his ugly head in many families where new little ones are introduced.

All in all everything is ok, all the behaviours we see are normal and over time family life will settle down. We are already living and loving as a family should and I am praying that by Christmas most of the green monster triggered paddies will have passed.

Mummy

Child 4 has been calling all the women who cross his path "mum" it is not something that I thought had particularly bothered me. After all, all the women in his life have left him, how would he know that I will never leave him, I belong to him.

This week though he has started to call other women Jan, a lady he has met recently and who obviously made some sort of impression!?!?!?? I am now the only one he calls mummy! Once the realisation of this sunk in, my heart swelled with love and pride. He has started to seek ME out to check that I am around and he has started to cry and want his hurts kissed better.

It has only been 4 weeks and I am hoping that this means that he is beginning to realise that this is his home and family forever. I am however not foolish enough to think that this is life sorted but I do know that it is definitely the beginning of something very special.............

When I grow up

When I was doing bath time tonight, child 3 was singing "When I grow up" from Matilda. She has been learning it with the school choir, and as I listened to the words they made me smile, those childish dreams tug at the heart strings, but the more I listened and the more I thought I actually felt a bit sad as once we are adults we sometimes forget or become oblivious to the beauty and excitement of the simple things. Child 3 sang with all her heart making me believe that she meant every word and I hope that she will always see life through rose tinted glasses and not become too cynical as she grows up.

"When I grow up, I will be tall enough to reach the branches that I need to reach to climb the trees
you get to climb when you're grown up.
I will be smart enough to answer all the questions that you need to know the answers to before you're grown up.

And when I grow up I will eat sweets every day on the way to work and I will go to bed late every night And I will wake up when the sun comes up and I will watch cartoons until my eyes go square

and I won't care 'cause I'll be all grown up!

When I grow up! I will be strong enough to carry all the heavy things you have to haul around with you when you're a grown-up!

when I grow up I will be brave enough to fight the creatures that you have to fight beneath the bed
each night.

I will have treats every day. And I'll play with things that Mum pretends that Mum's don't think are fun.

And I will wake up when the sun comes up and I will spend all day just lying in the sun but I won't burn 'cause I'll be all grown-up!"

So many of the words are true, as adults we do carry so many heavy things real and metaphorical, I am brave enough to fight the creatures under the bed, behind the curtains and hidden in the wardrobe and on occasion still do. I occasionally go to bed late and now with a two year old in the house we are often awake before the sun is. 

All children probably want to be able to do all these things and of course think that once they are grown up they can do these things, but as a grown up, who climbs trees, eats sweets every day, watches cartoon after cartoon, goes to bed late every night and wakes early the next morning to watch the sun rise?

Maybe tomorrow when I have that first cup of tea, I'll sit and watch the sun rise. On the way home from school drop off maybe child 4 and I will share a bag of jelly babies (although too many will make me feel sick). Once home we could watch cartoons and have treats. And just maybe we can climb the apple tree to pick some more apples. (Risking falling and breaking something) 
Hmmm, why is it that real life tends to get in the way!

A class size British bake off

Following, last nights exciting final on the British Bake Off it seemed appropriate that today was child 3's class cake sale and it's nearly Halloween, I love Halloween cake sales it's the perfect time for orange and purple butter cream and spider sweets. Now that child 4 has arrived there is no way in a million years that I would have time for any fancy, creative baking, so keep it simple. I made up some Dalek biscuits last night (don't you just lurve Lakeland) and today child 4 helped me make the cup cakes. It was a definite déjà vue moment with a toddler standing on a kitchen chair, learning how to turn on my Kenwood mixer and then watch his face light up with mischievous delight when he realised that it has speed settings!! I showed him how to break eggs, ooh dangerously exciting and he very happily emptied in the bowl of flour. I turned my back just long enough to get out the cake trays and when I glanced back he had BOTH hands in the cake mixture "yum!" Good job we did the proper hand wash before starting.

Handing him the mixer part, just to keep him busy whilst I plopped spoonfuls of mixture in the Halloween cases, I quickly moved them into the oven to be baked. And then the best bit, licking out the bowl. If all the children were home they would fight over this bit. Wish they felt the same about the washing up.

Once child 4 went off for his nap, I could ice my wares in peace and quiet, the decoration is the most important bit as primary age children love icing and lickle edible decorations and they are always drawn to the biggest, chocolatiest, most colourful or most sweetie adorned cakes and as I would probably be helping I would be devastated  if no one wanted to buy my cakes.

When we finished setting up the stall, I swear the tables were groaning under the weight of all the gorgeous cakes that parents had made and then like a swarm of locusts, what felt like hundreds of noisy little people arrived at the table, their little hands clutching coins, their faces wowed with the delights sitting before them, oh the choice, then the panic what if the cake they want is sold before they can attract the attention of one of the women manning the stall. More children push through shouting, look at the chocolate and gold cakes, the orange ones, the Dalek biscuits!! Phew all sold.

Then all of a sudden the stall is clear, the playground deserted and peace descends. Time to go home. A nice cup of tea and a chocolate spiders web cake I think.

Any cooking with children has got to be a good thing, according to latest figures From the National Child Measurement Programme  a third of  11 year olds are overweight or obese and a quarter of  4/5 year olds are too. We need to move away from quick, processed, fat laden foods to a much healthier regime - says the woman baking cakes with her children - but this is just a starting point. Child 1 and 2 can both cook a three course meal and could if I asked make an evening meal like lasagna or sweet corn fritters and sticky chicken, they would just prefer that I cooked.
I learnt to cook at my mothers knee and insist that my children do the same, I believe that it is not only a crucial life lesson but also something magical. A meal cooked and then shared with love is what family and life is all about.