Parish Life

 This morning 10 of us headed out to help one of our parishioners with their garden. The sun was shining, the sky was blue and we had a boot load of cold water, cans of pop, homemade tortilla and almond cherry cake to see us through. Dressed for all contingencies we were in sturdy boots and long trousers to protect our legs and solid gardening gloves to deal with nettles and thistles.

We arrived at this lovely country spot, a cottage surrounded by green farm land where cows were ambling around with their calves in a nearby field. Our first job was to move a pile of rubble into a skip, one of the men set up a plank leading into the skip so we could supposedly easily move the rubble in, haha a seesaw involving a wheel barrow full of rubble, I'll let you picture that!

Then we stopped for the best ever coffee and tortilla. Hard hot work makes you very hungry. The guvnor Mr B soon had us working again this time in the barn sorting, clearing and tidying. We worked hard and were very proud of the end result as was our parishioner friend. 10 people with 2 hours could achieve a lot!

We decided that we had time for a swift drink at a local public house, one where we were unlikely to be recognised, well we weren't dressed for company, before heading back to our families. A perfect end to a tough yet productive morning.

The closing of a door

"We'll mum, I'm not a year 7 anymore" child 2 announced when I got home from work.

We were off to a leaving party this evening, one of the families from school are returning back to their roots far away in the land of Oz. We along with many others went to a party to celebrate the memories of many a good time and to hope for many more memories to be made.

Is it weird that we celebrate beginnings and endings? Births, baptisms and weddings are happy beginnings and end of year celebrations, leaving parties and funerals are celebrations of what has been.

I am always a little sad at the end of the school year, it's the sign of another year passing where our children are becoming more independent, more self aware and more self confident. Although I know that I moaned about the dependency of the children when they were little, I do really miss it. Child 1 doesn't want many cuddles anymore and when she does they are always on her terms. Child 2 is ready to move from being a little one at secondary school to taking his place in year 8, he is much more self assured and confident than he was a year ago. Child 3 thinks she is 14, so honestly does not understand why she can't do exactly what she wants, when she wants. None of them crawl into my lap when they are tired and curl themselves into me, listening to me chat away to my friends, letting the chatter lull them to sleep. No they are all off playing, only returning for a drink or something to eat.

There is no choice when it comes to growing up and moving on, time ticks on by whether we like it or not, really we should embrace it, enjoying our children at the stage they are at encouraging them to take the next step towards teenage angst and then adult hood.

Instead of dwelling on the past, I will remember it, no doubt with rose tinted glasses, and move to the next stage. After all in a few months I will have a little one hopefully content enough within our family to be able to crawl into my lap and sleep.

A G & T evening

It gets to that time in the evening when it's cooler outside than in, so mixing up a very tall and cold gin and tonic over ice with a slice of lime I head out into the garden, firstly to water the vegetables and then to sit and enjoy the cool evening in peace. Child 3 is at last asleep, she has found it hard to settle in the heat.

We live in a really quiet area and its so nice to sit in a calm and peaceful setting. As I settle I realise that I can hear birds, baby birds murmuring close by. Not long ago I saw a blackbird collecting materials to build his nest in our laburnum tree well this little chaps babies have hatched and they were calling for mummy and daddy.  Their chirping made me smile, it won't be long and our new little one will be here, no doubt interrupting my peaceful evenings but also laughing and running around our garden making some chirping of his own.

A long walk home

As usual I was late collecting Child 3 from school, Dylan the dog was having too much fun running around the field with a tennis ball in his mouth. What is with our dog? He loves tennis balls, he loves chasing tennis balls he just doesn't bring them back.

Anyway, back to my little story, child 3 was waiting for me at the door of her classroom all ready to head home. We collected the dog and started the fairly short walk home, but as we crossed the road, child 3 spots a tiny ladybird, who she so very gently gathered up into her hand and informed me that she wanted to keep her as a pet and that her name was Spot. Oh and she's not a girl she's a boy so there are no babies to fly away home too.

Carrying a ladybird home is a slow and steady process, I had to keep stopping allowing her to catch up, she looked like an angel the sun behind her, lighting her hair up like a halo. She walked deliberately, so carefully one foot gently after the other. Talking very very quietly to her ladybird promising to take good care of him. Remembering that her lunch bag was full of empty boxes she stopped, rooted one out and with the greatest of care allowed the ladybird to crawl off her hand into the box and then adding handfuls of grass and leaves she put the lid on and caught up with me, walking a little bit faster at last.

When we finally reached home she added cucumber and water to the box. After an ice lolly, child 3 decided that really her ladybird should be free so she put the lidless box outside amongst the geraniums and fuchsias that fill a stone pot by the front door.

When I returned home from my governors meeting the ladybird was still there, maybe he wants to stay as child 3's pet.

How many emotions in one week?

This time last week I was stressing whilst listing all the jobs around the house I had to do before two social workers visited, one of whom was visiting on behalf of a potential adoptee the other was our social workers team leader because our wonderful lady was on holiday. I rewrote the list four times knowing that I had to prioritise which floors I could wash as they were arriving at 11am aaah!

This was followed by the emotional exhaustion of having been on display, trying to show what wonderful parents we could be if given the chance. Then having to wait for judgement by a lady who has only met us for three or maybe four hours (she would have seen our humongous prospective adopters report though)

On Thursday I was dropping my mum home after our fitball class, I had literally pulled up outside her house when my phone rang - an unknown number- the hairs on the back of my neck prickled. Was this the call? Laying my hand on my mums arm (my mum was with me through the labours of my three birth children) to stop her from leaving the car. I was told that they wished "to proceed", congratulations were given and the ok to tell child 1,2 &3. My mum who had watched my three come in to the world was there to when the approval of number 4 was given. Silent tears tracked down my cheeks, I really couldn't believe what had happened.

Then there was the decision to be made as to when to tell the children and family and friends, we decided to wait, hard going I know but the priority had to be the children. Oh the emotions on Friday, the worry, the happiness, the excitement. Hearts pounding, tears streaming, laughter and raised voices.

The hugs, congratulations and more tears from family and friends as the children spread the good news.

Now we have the practical preparations to make but I can make them, smiling quietly to myself because a little tow-headed boy now fills my thoughts and dreams of the future. I can see him running in the garden, learning to ride  a bike with his big brother, blow bubbles with his big sister and be read to by his bigger sister. I am not foolish enough to think that life will be perfect but I know that it will be good.

Our first step!

Ok the social worker called yesterday afternoon to gives us the verdict following Tuesdays meeting. Its a YES! I keep wanting to call them back to check that I heard right, I mean I know that they said yes, they have given us matching panel dates and the ok to tell the children but I still can't quite believe it, I am going to be a mummy again.

We decided that as Thursday night was really busy, show rehearsals and choir practice that we would tell the children after the school barbecue tonight. Whilst a really really filthy child 3 sat in the bath we gathered around and asked the children how they would feel about having a brother a two year old little brother.

There were gasps and tears lots and lots of tears. Child 3 was hysterical sobbing her heart out and for a few seconds my heart nearly stopped, what had I done? Then a cacophony of voices began, what's his name? when will we get him? can I tell Nanna, Auntly ......, uncle...... ,our closest friends? Child 3's hysteria calmed enough for me to understand "mummy I am so happy I can't stop crying"

They then fought for the phones and the IPad to contact those they love to share the news, many more tears were to follow not just from us but from those who were lucky enough to be contacted. I spent the next hour following up the calls my emotional children made to help make sense of what was happening and when. Then they were arguing over who would bath him, who would put him to bed who would chose the stroller and the car seat. Who would tell who tomorrow, Sunday and at school on Monday. Then child 2 and 3 hunted through the toy boxes hunting out all the Thomas the Tank toys to put in child 4's bedroom ready for when he arrives.

How proud a parent am I, child 4 is already wanted and wished for, not only the children will be counting the days until he arrives- sometime towards the end of September (fingers crossed)

Meet the parents

Common practice, if circumstances allow is for the prospective adopters to meet the birth parents. This gives the adopters the opportunity to ask some questions about the birth parents and their child, the birth parents can ask questions and be reassured that their child is being placed with "normal" people not monsters with two heads. Often a photo will be taken of both sets of parents which for the child shows continuity and links their two families for them.

The questions to ask are ones that the child will need answers to, so I am much more aware of what my children ask me.

What cravings did you have when you were pregnant with me?
What was your labour like?
Why did you name me?
Why are my eyes blue, yours are brown?
What was my first word?
When did I walk, crawl, laugh?
Favourite colours, music, lessons at school, music, books, talents.
Are there family traditions, talents, funny stories or happy memories?

All this information will help our number 4 to know who they are and where they come from, it may sound scary and hard for us to do but I am sure that the benefits of meeting the birth parents will far out weigh our nerves. In fact I worry that I won't ask enough questions!