When life gives you lemons make lemon drizzle cake

You know those days, the ones where staying in bed would have been the easy option, today was one of those. To be fair not everything was crap, our social worker called in to collect our adopters report so that's the first part of our adoption journey complete, that is we are now at the front of the queue for the scariest ride in the theme park and are waiting to be allowed to climb aboard!!!! Maybe that is part of this sinking feeling I am having, but do you know what, people and their politics can be exhausting and I've been surrounded by people politics. That is work politics, volunteer politics and family politics. So how to deal with this, well child 1 dances to express her feelings except when she is angry with her parents and then she strops to her room and slams the door, child 2 talks to the dog except when angry with his parents and then shouts and slams doors, child 3 uses the trampoline but I am not trying that one today because apparently quote " my bottom threw up on the trampoline" I'll leave that to your imagination!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What I do is bake, there is something so calming and rhythmic about following an old family recipe, mixing together ordinary ingredients pouring them into a tin and then as if  by magic 30 minutes later you have a warm cosy kitchen filled with comforting aromas that evoke childhood memories of  when someone else took care of all your worries and you could adventure quite safely without worrying about other people's agendas. Cake also seems to resolve most family disputes child 1 has recovered from her strop, tempted out of her room by a huge slice of chocolate cake still steaming out of the oven. The making, baking and then sharing a cake is truly good for the soul.
She couldn't wait for me to take it out of the tin, talk about wait for it to be iced!!!!

Entering the unknown

Today was our medical course in preparation of adoption. These days due to easy availability of contraception, abortion and the lack of stigma for single motherhood fewer and fewer children are relinquished at birth, children who are looking for adoptive parents are almost always children removed from their birth families due to the care or lack of it they receive. This means that these children could potentially have any number of issues and this is what today's talk/discussion was all about. Firstly we discussed what types of  issues could effect the development of our adopted children, then how could those issues manifest in their development and finally were there any definitive tests that could be carried out to see how we could help them overcome these development obstacles.
Examples of the issues potentially start whilest in the womb if birth mum is managing addictions to drugs and or alcohol and then carry on into diet, neglect, abuse or could be due to mental health problems or learning difficulties in birth parents, these concerns can cause withdrawals for newborn babies, foetal alcohol syndrome, attachment disorders, behavioural problems, trust issues, slow academic achievement, attention span concerns and so on. There are very few if no definitive tests that can be carried out on the children to see a clearer picture of what they have or are suffering. Many repercussions of these issues do not show in children until school or the teenage years and its very difficult to ascertain if behaviours are due to specifics such as drug or alcohol use or compounded by abuse and neglect. In fact just the way we are made can impact the effects There was a study in the USA concerning foetal alcohol syndrome, where twins were born one suffering FAS the other completely healthy, one of the twins for some reason was not effected why???
The conclusion is that adoption is a little bit of a lottery, there is no guarantee if you are adopting an under 5, we will not be sure of the genetic and nurturing history of these children, so we will just take a day at a time and if issues arise ask for help. One thing is certain children removed from these environments always achieve much more if they are adopted!!!

What is a Family

What is a family? Nuclear, extended, blended, single parent or same sex. Mine is definitely extended and we support each other, love each other, fight for and with each other. We definitely don't always agree with each other. As a child I remember many a debate at the dinner table that led to what could be only described as all out war and a family game of Pictionary well we would revert back to tribal hostilities involving shouting, screaming, cheating but lots of laughing. In fact my husband refuses to play as he can't cope with the noise level and battle tactics.  What I have always found is that we celebrate the good times and we step up to support in the hard times.
When I told my family about our desire to adopt they all took it in their stride, in some ways not really surprised, they are excited for us and for the whole family, they have supported us through every step of the way. I really couldn't ask for anything more.
Today I went out for a birthday lunch including champagne, I was so very spoilt and felt loved and so special, I realise that I am lucky to be part of a family that loves me for who I am and are proud of me for my achievements. I am proud to be part of this same family who will take on our new addition offering them the same love and pride, no matter what. So by this time next year we'll have another little one in tow, its unlikely that champagne lunches will be on the menu! Life will be different but it will be our family life and what our family can offer this new infant is a home and a family FOREVER!!

One benefit of a 6am start

Why is it on the weekend I have little trouble dragging my lazy body out of my cocoon to make a cup of tea, yet on a work day I awake about 5.50am still dreamy from sleep knowing that the radio will come on in a few minutes and then song after song I say to myself one more song and I'll get up, until its the news and 6.30am and I have to brave the cold air circulating the bed, leaving that lovely warm spot for child 2 or 3 or worse the dog! This morning, filling the kettle I could see ribbons of blue sky intertwined with the grey clouds, so pulling on my wellies and wrapping my old thick dressing gown around me I headed down to the chicken run with the left over spaghetti for my girls breakfast.  (why is it when my husband is in charge of cooking the spaghetti he has to cook enough to feed an army?? Well the chickens will be pleased) As I crunch down the gravel to the hen house I can hear the girls calling to me, desperate to be out scrabbling in the sun, they probably know better than we do that rain is on its way. I love saying good morning to my faithful egg layers on mornings like today, they are pleased to see me, or more likely the spaghetti but they crowd around to say hello and then make a bolt for the gate, just in case I've forgotten to close it or better still Dylan the dog has followed me out and will help them escape. No luck today, no eggs yet either. But the sun is out and we are sheltered from the cold wind here in the run. Feeling brighter and filled with a touch of spring I head back to my boiled kettle for that first and best cuppa of the day, thinking that it won't be long before I'll be picking lashings raspberries for my breakfast! Not a bad life all in all and a pleasing way to start the week.

Finding that spark

Anyone who has read Steve Biddulph's "Raising Girls" will have read about the importance  of finding and emphasising a child's spark.

"In the book we have a special section on 'spark' - the idea that girls usually discover a passion or interest that really makes them excited and happy to be alive. Finding her spark - animals, hobbies, activism, sport, creativity - takes her away from being obsessed with how she looks. It's natural to HAVE self belief, but the media/fashion/advertising world takes it away, makes you not like yourself."

Well today we saw that in action for both our girls. Child 1 had been invited to take part in a dance workshop, when this invite first came through on my email I was a little skeptical thinking that it was possibly just a bit of a money maker, however seeing my eldest girl perform just an extract of what she had learned at the end of the workshop was fantastic and she so obviously enjoyed every minute, even if she "messed up a bit" her words. For her it wasn't really the performance it was the new dance moves that she had learnt and the fact that the instructor pushed her in a very positive way to give her all. In fact she returned home starving, exhausted but full of self belief in her ability to dance.

For child 3, it was her first ever gymnastics competition. Child 3 after watching the 2012 Olympics decided that Olympic gymnast was the perfect career choice, so after begging me to take her out of her ballet classes so she could start gymnastics off she went completely fearless and confident in her own ability! Well, today she showed us how much she loved her gymnastics taking part in everything, taking the numbers of competitors, the crowds of parents, grandparents and siblings watching and cheering all in her stride, she was completely focused whilest competing but chatty and friendly with other competitors when sitting on the sidelines. And to her amazement and our delight she came second!

I have always encouraged the children to follow their dreams, sometimes worrying about how to manage their expectations of those dreams, but following today and Mr B's advice maybe just maybe  it's just fine to enjoy the journey?

I know a boy who stole my heart ............

I know a boy who stole my heart and he calls me Mum! How do I tell this same boy that adding another to our family will never change how much I love him. He will always be important, I will always find the time to be with him, laugh with him, hug him and kiss his hurts away. Does he not realise that I may only hold his hand a short while, he will forever hold my heart.

Today we met up with a family who have a birth child the same age as my child 2 who have recently adopted a little girl, this was to allow child 2 to speak to someone who has/is going through what he is.  Well what a success, this young man so obviously adored his little sister " she is so cute, funny and loves me the most but she can be really annoying, I am glad that we have her"

Child 2 said to me just before bed "it's ok mum I'm alright about us adopting, I'm not excited like my sisters but I'm not worried any more, when can just me and you go out for hot chocolate again?"

"Be the change you want to see" Ghandi

I don't know if anyone listened to Akhandadhi Das' Thought for The Day on radio 4 this morning but it was an interesting, thought provoking comment on how society is letting down teenagers in care. He told the story of Colin who felt that when he was classed as an adult it wasn't him who left social care, it was the care that left him.

Many people I know  (especially my Dad) frequently joke that they will be responsible for their children  until their death beds, although, I am sure that they like me want our children to grow up to be independent, well rounded, happy adults. We also want them to know that we are there, not only to share their happiness but also to help them in times of difficulty all be it emotionally, financially or practically. Children that grow up in care don't have this kind of support and after reading a couple of articles I was shocked all though not surprised to see that in the  Prison Reform Trust  2010-11 annual survey of 15-18 year olds in prison found that more than a quarter of boys (27%), and over half of girls (55%), had been in care at some point before being sentenced to custody. A study quoted in The Guardian stated that a third of those sleeping rough had come from the care system and that only 6% of children in care went on to attend university (about a third of the general population have that opportunity.) When we hear about or see little children being removed from their families by social services  we see captivating, innocent and vulnerable youngsters being taken from dangerous and or neglectful environments hoping that they will be able to have a better, more fulfilling life but, this is not always the case. Perhaps we should try to remember those captivating, innocent and vulnerable faces when we read about teenagers being sent to prison or when we walk past homeless teenagers on the street.

 I have added links below if you would like to read more.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/may/02/children-in-care-loving-homes

http://www.prisonreformtrust.org.uk/ProjectsResearch/Childrenandyoungpeople

http://fullfact.org/factchecks/were_quarter_prisoners_in_care_as_children-28547