The Donkey and The Witch

THE HOME MADE FAMILY - CHAPTER 2 

Following my previous post about our knitted family here is a quick update.

With child 3 complete, mum started work on me. She has been using knitting patterns from a children's story type book, for example Dad is based on a chimney sweep. Guess what type of character I'm based on........... Child 3 was too gleeful when she told me it was the wicked witch, but, as if it made it better, Nanna had given me a much smaller nose!!!!!!!

As I said in an earlier post, my mums friend is helping out. Margaret and my mum have been knitting nativity scenes for the last few years and have an adorable pattern for a donkey, so Margaret's task is to turn a donkey into Dylan the dog. Her latest suggestion is that we get rid of the dog and replace him with a donkey, not sure our neighbours or our cats and chickens will appreciate that though.

Interestingly, I bet you that the favourite character will be the "dogkey" or maybe "donkog".

Family Tree

We've had to complete our family trees, just back to grandparents but its amazing to see the different types of family backgrounds there are. We often look back to our grandparents generations expecting life to be very stereotypical, husband, wife and lots of children. I wonder if ours is really that different to anyone else's. Be brave have a look. In just the three generations of grandparents, parents and us I have come across East End gangsters, American socialites, escapees from the Irish potato famine, German train drivers, divorces, affairs, alcoholics, domestic abuse, inter racial marriage, children born out of wedlock, children being left in countries on the other side of the world, children dying very young, evacuees, childhoods living in a bombed out London, adoptions and serial womanisers. I view myself as white middle class but when you read our family histories, life is not so cut and dried. I think that my husband and I have grown up into relatively, and I mean relatively," normal", well rounded individuals. And I certainly don't see our parents as damaged by their childhoods and despite our grandparents now being long passed we remember them fondly, they loved and spoiled us. Surely, adoptive children will be no different, if we can provide them with a safe loving home, we can help them grow into normal, independent loving individuals who will thrive and live their lives looking forward.
" Children need two things, one is roots and the other is wings" 

Adoption reality check number 1

Have had an opportunity to look at some real case studies via a special site on the Internet which has given me a bit of a reality check. One of the children looking for a home has been with the same foster family since a baby and is now 2. We will be taking a little one just like this from an environment just like that, taking a small person from possibly the only secure home they have known, to come and live with us!
 How do I cope with the guilt? How do we help that little person adjust to us and love us?
I am very aware that the foster carers are foster carers not necessarily adopters and that their role is to be the stop gap, generally this gap should be short term but for reasons outside of social services control sometimes these children cannot be adopted until all birth family options have been explored. After all, Studies show that it is in the best interest of the child to remain with the birth family where possible. Hence, the timescales involved! This doesn't make it easy for anyone involved especially the most vulnerable, the child!!!

A Home Made Family

On one of our adoption courses an adopter came in to talk to us about her experience in adoption. She brought some paper dolls that she had laminated, the dolls represented her, her husband, son, birth mum, their social worker, the adoptee and the adoptee's social worker. She found these to be really helpful in explaining her adoptee's life story. So following this brilliant idea we asked my very talented mum and her friend Margaret to knit our family, our number 4, birth mum, the social workers and of course the dog. Then later grandparents and an aunt who lives locally will be added to the mix.

So far she has completed child 2, dad and child 1. Child 3's gold slippers are just being finished. We plan to give number 4 a forever family bag containing all those involved in his/her journey to join us, when we meet them to help them get to know who we are. Aren't they just the cutest things?

A Famous Five Day Out

A beautiful bank holiday weekend, my brother and his 2 children were down visiting, so a perfect excuse for a visit to one of our favourite places the beach, picnic in tow of course, an adventure without anything to eat is not a proper adventure!!! If you have read Cherry Cake and Ginger Beer by Jane Brocket or have as a child read any famous five adventure, THAT was our plan for the day. Homemade fat and fluffy sausage rolls,slightly overcooked sausages so they were caramelly and crispy on the outside, crispy, spicy and peppery fried chicken, chunky garlicky houmous, with cucumber, carrot and crunchy bread sticks for dipping,chocolate covered flap jacks, crisps, sticky jammy doughnuts and slices of juicy melon the type that drips down your chin as you eat it, all packed up with a flask of milky coffee and a bottle of juice and we were off on our adventure. Oh what an adventure we had, the beach we love is part of the south west coastline, a craggy beach full of places to explore, rock pools hosting crabs, shrimp little fish and anemones, the prehistoric rock formation means that a hunt for fossils is always successful, ammonites of varying sizes from the tiny to the enormous can be found as we climb, hop and jump following the coastline from just past the car park to some steel steps which bring you out on the top of the ragged cliffs that edge the beach. ( I have no idea how far the steps are it can take anywhere between an hour I guess and all day, depending on the adventures we have.) With green lush farmland and copses of trees on your right and the steep fall to the spectacular rocks, the Bristol Channel and on a clear day the Welsh coastline can be seen on your left, maybe wreckers enticed ships in on these rocks with their lamps so as to to steal the treasures in their holds, or smugglers hid their cache away from prying eyes. A leisurely stroll will bring you back to the car park, starving hungry ready to wolf down a hearty picnic lunch.
Today's adventure started with hunting for dinosaur footprints and fossils, finding huge dinosaur tails curving in the rocks for us to follow, a short detour towards the sea led the children to "quick sand" that sticky, sucky mud and of course someone had to get stuck right in the middle. Boy cousin who is 7 and wearing child 2's wellies which were too big had to be lifted out of the mud by child 1, of course leaving wellies behind having to be rescued by child 2. None of us adults were wearing wellies so we had to navigate a rescue path via the rocks leading to hilarity when we slipped on the green seaweed (always beware the green seaweed ) or stepped onto what initially looked like rock but turned out to be sucky mud. Girl cousin, took charge as lead expedionist leading us over the rocks back to the safety of the rock pools where we hunted for more fossils and crabs, none of which were big enough for tea. It was then we noticed that the dog had not been around tripping us up or flying past, splashing through the pools sending up a chorus of voices every time he splashed someone or nearly pushed them into a pool. We climbed to higher rocks and still couldn't see him, calling for him our voices no doubt picked up by the wind and carried off in the wrong direction, at first it was amusing but then we began to worry and the tenor of that must have shown in our song because of course he then danced across the rocks, his fur plastered to his body flying towards us. He screeched to a stop sitting beautifully as if to say "what's wrong, what do you want can I have a biscuit?" Wherever he had been it must have been exciting and dangerous because he had lost his collar! Eventually our exploits brought us to the steps and we made our way back to our lunch. There truly is nothing better than a picnic lunch in the English sun. Lunch was followed by a stop at a pool of water, created by streams of water pouring off the surrounding fields and hills, where the older children taught the younger ones to skim stones and throw rocks to see who could make the biggest splash. It was only the bribery of ice creams at the nearby tea room that dragged them away to change out of filthy wet clothes, climb into cars and start our journey home. Tonights dreams I am sure will be filled of smugglers, pirates, dinosaurs, picnics and ice cream. That to me is what child hood is all about!!

Our own Pied Piper

Our blasted dog has let himself into the chicken run, let the chickens out but trapped himself in, AGAIN! I always thought that springer spaniels were supposed to be clever well not ours. He's a hunting dog hahaha who unsuccessfully chases pheasants over the hills and far away, fortunately, it seems only when my husband is walking him (they are that youtube clip of Fenton and owner in Richmond Park, except its Dylan! DyLAN! ) and he is absolutely terrified of our chickens!!
So, imagine the picture, me that is mum late home from work 7pm, busy day, picked up child 3 from grandparents because hubbie is out, having to rustle up tea for the two older children, toasted sandwiches peanut butter and jam for child 1, chicken and cheese for child 2 and a very grown up rocket, goats cheese and chilli jelly for me. Then.........I notice 4 chickens in the veg patch, dancing with glee because the rhubarb has enormous green leaves and the broad bean shoots are waving their new leaves at the sun "yummy" and in the background is not the sound of evening birds oh no not in our garden, its the dog calling "let me out, let me out, pleeeeeeeaase let me out"

"Don't worry mummy I've had my tea, I'll get the dog and put the chickens back." Says child 3. So off she goes in her pink onesie and school shoes somehow forced over her fluffy onesied feet, into the garden. She opens up the veg patch gate and seriously, calls "chickens" and they all walk over and then following her like the Pied Piper they traipse all the way in single file down to their run, where child 3 has to coax the dog out of the run because of course he won't walk past the chickens in case they eat him! Absolutely amazing!
She refused to go out 15 minutes later though, when the bloody dog had done it again!!!!!!!

Sam and the Womp BOM BOM BOM child number 3 style

Left hand on hip, right arm outstretched, finger pointing, right knee bent. Hips begin to sway leaning forward and in a very self assured, strong, come on then I dare you voice, child 3 sings "I'm gonna beat her up, BOM BOM BOM! Quite impressive for a 7 year old ready, willing and quite possibly able to take on a 15 year old (hmmm perhaps I should be concerned and try and ignore that secret swell of pride). All this front to protect her big sister who is devastated by a photo uploaded onto Facebook by a couple of juvenile kids in school.

The photo wasn't really enough for mum to contact the school to rant about cyber bullying!!!!!!  But was enough to require cuddles and positive stroking for a little while that evening. NB photos of the post were taken and kept in case there were anymore.

With plans for our addition coming to fruition means that social media and how it's is used has been debated within our family over the last few weeks. Obviously, we can't ban it, it's out there and child 1 & 2 have mobile phones with Facebook access. But based on the old adage of 7 degrees of separation we have to protect child 4 from possible inappropriate contact from their birth family. Not that I necessarily blame a birth family for looking for their child, if someone took one of my children I would hunt for them until the day I died but that's a rant for another time................

A study conduced by researchers at Microsoft Corp. used instant messaging data to confirm the theory that it takes just under seven steps to link every one in the world. The researchers reached their conclusion based on the addresses of 30 billion instant messages sent among 180 million people worldwide during a single month in 2006. They found that, on average, any two people are linked by fewer than seven acquaintances.

Hence no family photos or names will be shared on our families Facebook anymore, a shame perhaps but necessary? Probably. If anyone wanted to know more "Bubble Wrapped Children" by Helen Oakwater is an enlightening read.