Crossing that line

So, here we are at the front of the queue, I can taste the anticipation on my lips, butterflies are trembling in my stomach, my heart is in my mouth and I can't make myself cross that yellow line yet.  I step back to psych myself up.

The problem with adoption is that
We have to decide if the child we are reading about is the one, each child has different types of issues, complicated birth family lives, possible development concerns, attachment disorders, anxiety about mental health history in their parents.
If we say yes, there maybe other potential adopters more suitable in which case they would be able to adopt them rather than us.

It's a bit like a paper based cattle auction and here we are weighing up the pros and cons about a child!!

The anticipation I can taste fluctuates between terror and certainty,
The butterflies flutter, flicker, vibrate or thrash. Quivering between excitement, melancholy and dread.
My heart leaps, bursting with love then crumbling in panic.

Still, I can't cross the line, I say that I'm not ready to board that emotional roller coaster, yet as I write the I think my feet have a mind of their own and I'm already strapped in ready to go.