If I could give you one gift it would be to see yourself through my eyes and then you would see how special you really are.

Sunday, 11 March 2018

Melancholy Mother

Mother's Day brings such a mix of emotions these days, I want my mum to know she is loved and appreciated. She is my go to support, my rock, the person who gently reminds me to laugh at the antics of my children. As a mum I would love a proper day off, no washing, no cooking, no wading into arguments, just time for me to sit and be quiet to do what I want to do, not what I should do. But now four years into adoption there is another mother who intrudes my thoughts on Mother's Day. As yet it seem so to be only me who feels this interloper, child 4 is too little yet, but as he grows I wonder how he will manage these days. Will he be confused, angry or scared or will he just ignore the fact that his biological mother is out there somewhere.
How will I cope sharing the day with her, I am the one who reads with him, deals with the tears, the rages, the joy of achievements. Then I feel guilty, how does this young woman feel every year on Mother's Day, knowing her child is out there, being cared for by someone else, someone who reads to him, wipes his tears, calms his temper and shares the joys of all his achievement.

I know that I could be hard line about child 4's mum, as adoption is due to children having to be removed from their birth family because that is the best thing for them. The birth families are not, for whatever reasons, able to provide even the basic care for their children and mix in abuse and neglect there is absolutely nothing romantic in these adoption stories, they are not Annie, Anne of Green Gables or Harry Potter. But, when we met her, I saw a scared, vulnerable young woman unable to change her life for the sake of her young son. Her story is as much a tragedy as her son's, if not more so as she has lost everything, I have absolutely no idea how she gets through days like today, how would I cope. So I sit here tonight feeling melancholy.

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